It's no secret, being a Modern Day Betty is overwhelming.
Not only is the modern day woman trying to do all, she's trying to be all. With the daily pressures of work, care taking, staying fit, our look, domestication, lover, cook, driver, mother, you name it, we feel the need to be the best at everything AND make sure everyone knows it. Some of us even need everyone to see it on social media.
I'm not saying that you all feel that pressure, but it could certainly be my bio! I have been so spun out the last 8 years on the ebb & flow of building my business, raising my kids, getting divorced, personal identity issues, (who am without my job or now that my kids have their own lives?!) but have managed it well. I show up everyday looking my best, posting recipe's for gluten free granola, and make it to all my kids games, because God forbid anyone know I'm struggling.
The modern day woman is wired to believe she should handle not only her job and kids but put a great dinner on the table and crazy good sex for dessert AND look amazing, preferably dressed for each part.
I wonder though... Is this pressure put on us by men, society or ourselves? I'm single, my children's father has passed and besides family and a few close friends, I have no one demanding anything of me.
But I demand so much of me.
And the women I talk to daily in the dressing rooms are no different.
We place expectations on ourselves that, when we reveal them to someone out loud, we realize just how much we are asking of ourselves and how overwhelmed we are!
What's interesting, is that I started hitting bottom around March. (you can read my blog Two Faced where I'd admit to the world just how much I was struggling.
) By May, the day after the opening of the 2nd Teddies for Bettys location, I was in bed sick... and my body did not recover all summer. I was forced to be at home. When I wasn't home, I was with my kids living out our summer travel plans. I slept a lot. My mind was depleted. I couldn't think about work or feel any excitement. I had no inspiration. Zero desire to create anything.
THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED.
I'm the woman who, like a dog at the park after one squirrel then another, has one idea then another. My mind doesn't stop and the goals can't get high enough.
I panicked after we returned home from our trip back to HI. There was no refreshed feeling or I'm so happy to be home, but instead I cried and slept. My friend asked if I was depressed. I had no answer. I showed up at work and left without doing anything. Thankfully, I have a staff that is the bee's knees and is better at their job than I am. They all worked and supported my time away.
Then THIS happened.
My kids were invited on a trip without me. At first I was bummed, but after speaking with my friends from HI they encouraged me to come back to Maui and spend time with them. I'd have a place to stay, a ride where ever I'd like and some time to just chill. Normally this would be the time of year that I'd head to New York for the lingerie market and bang out a week of meetings and buying.
I decided, you know what? I always work. I always have my kids. I don't actually ever take vacations and do nothing.
So I went... and what a difference it made for this Modern Day Betty. I was on no schedule. I walked, swam in the ocean, did yoga, went out to eat, talked story with friends for hours on end, watched the sunset almost everyday, read, hiked, walked like a tourist in my bikini with a button up shirt over it and totally RELAXED.
After I returned it dawned on me; I have not had a 'summer' as an adult, ever. Summer the last 16 years has been kids home and trying to figure out what to do with them while I go to work.
WHAT A GAME CHANGER.
Not only was I having a summer, it was the best summer. All the time off and away, even though some of it was down and out emotionally, was exactly what I needed to recharge. I'm not going to lie- I took it one step further and decided not to return to work until school started. ( it was only like 4 more days, but still)
Now that I'm back- I'm feeling motivated, refreshed and ready to create again. In addition, I've cut waaaay back on what I think is expected of me.
I am not suggesting that this is the only way to recharge, and am very clear that what fell in my lap was a gift from the universe, but I am suggesting that before we get pushed to a place of meltdown or no return- we take a timeout.
Cut back where you can.
Sleep in on the weekends.
Take a Nap.
Maybe don't run, but walk.
NETFLIX & CHILL!
Watch the sunset.
Order favor rather than being on your feet one more hour in the day.
Go see live music.
Have your kids tuck you in or make themselves dinner.
Call in for a mental health day (this is a real thing! if you have it, use it!)
We are not doing anyone, especially ourselves, any favors by overwhelming ourselves.
The Modern Day Betty can have it all.
She just needs to know when to slow down.